Solare
by wet-ankles
Summary: Tenten's third year in high school is poking him with a sharp stick. A look into living with severe depression. [Male Tenten. NejiTen.]
1. Big Mouth

**Solare **

* * *

It's been a month since school began and Tenten felt he was getting the short end of the sharp stick.

He expected his third year to be stressful but not this stressful.

"Isn't there anyone else who could do this– anyone?" His tone verged on pleading, though he had too much pride to admit it.

Gai stroked his chin in thought before grimly shaking his head. "Afraid not. Ever since Lee's injuries there's been no one else available. I'm sorry but this duty falls solely to you."

Tenten refrained from tugging his hair out as Gai gave him a pat on the shoulder and exited the classroom. He sunk into his chair, folding his arms over his head while he waded through his options.

He and Lee had been part of the track team since freshman year, but as the classes got harder and the homework piled higher, not to mention various other responsibilities, Tenten receded from club activities to focus on his studies. It had been Lee's job to be in the relay race, but due to an injury that left him in a cast, there was no one else could compete.

Tenten stared down at the test on his deck, a significant amount of red marks glaring back up at him.

He was falling behind in class despite putting aside more hours, and he hadn't been to club even once this year. A bottomless pit sunk into his chest, wondering if he'd be forced to choose between his futile grades or the club he's been a part of since his first year.

The sound of the door opening pulled him out of his thoughts, head whipping up as his sights settled on Neji, another third-year, whose pale eyes stared back at him with a startling amount of focus.

As soon as their stares met, Neji tore his away and begin walking to his desk.

Neji was rather smart, getting the highest grades in the class. Tenten couldn't say they were friends but they weren't strangers either, belonging to different social groups that intersected now and again.

He watched as Neji pulled a textbook out, probably forgotten it beforehand. It was the exact textbook that Tenten was having trouble wrapping his mind around, and seeing it connected a thread in his head that moved his mouth before he could think it all through.

"Hey, Hyuga, can I ask you a favor?"

Neji's movement halted but he didn't turn around. Tenten hoped he didn't hear him, would just ignore him and leave. Sadly his wishes were unheard as Neji turned back to face him, that sharp-eyed look falling heavy on Tenten once more. Being the center of his focus was causing the hairs on the back of his neck to rise, something about those eyes that were so light yet held so much depth.

Trying not to fidget in his seat, Tenten figured he had nothing to lose. "W... would you mind, perhaps, tutoring me?"

If he agreed then Tenten could maybe make his predicament work. He wouldn't slack in his grades whilst also get back to training for the upcoming race.

Neji didn't have quite the same idea. "No thanks."

"Why not?"

"I have chores after school."

"I'll help you with them." Just what was he saying?

If Neji's gaze wasn't boring a hole through him it was now. Tenten wondered if he should sew his bag fat mouth shut before things got any worse.

The other walked over to his desk in four quick strides, book held under one arm while he continued to look at Tenten as if he was some sort of insect.

Tenten hadn't thought of it before either but Neji was a rather tall man, and with him seated the other was basically looming over him, his shadow engulfing him entirely and making him feel just a tad bit small.

Soon the pregnant pause began to itch at him and Tenten drew his eyes to the corner of the desk, teeth wearing into his lower lip. He shouldn't have asked in the first place, shouldn't have taken advanced classes in general, shouldn't have stopped going to track club, shouldn't have ignored Lee in the hospital, shouldn't have done a lot of things – but before he could recant everything he's said so far, Neji finally spoke up.

"I'll consider it."

And within the same breath he was out the door, leaving Tenten once again the only soul in the room.

* * *

Even when he was the track club's last hope he still couldn't will himself to attend practice. His eyes already stung at all the reading that awaited him at home, causing his legs to drag from the weight in his chest.

Tenten looked to the ground as he walked, silently asking himself why he'd become so slow. Even if he did compete there was no way he'd be able to win.

He couldn't suppress the groan that rose up out of his throat, combing his fingers through his short brown hair. He was so screwed.

"Tenten! Hey, Tenten, wait up!" called a familiar voice, stopping him in his tracks until they caught up. Tenten turned to face them, finding it was Ino and her friends, Sakura and Hinata. He couldn't help but remember that the latter is Neji's cousin.

Ino wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him into a headlock and squeezing the air out of him.

Once he was sufficiently wheezing she lessened her hold. "You should come with us to this party at Chouji's! There'll be frozen yogurt and a pool, and tons of games! You'll like it, I'm positive!"

"I – hrk, I'm a bit busy this afternoon." Tenten struggled out of the headlock finally, rubbing at his throat. "I have to study…"

It was a weak excuse, and by the look Ino was giving him she didn't buy it either.

Ino was about to speak but Sakura cut her off. "Cut him some slack, Ino, being a third year's pretty difficult." Turning back to Tenten. "We'll catch you some other time then. Study hard."

Tenten nodded in gratitude, knowing that even if he wanted to he just couldn't. The two girls waved and began to leave, pausing when Hinata didn't make a move to follow. She pushed her forefingers together, attempting to look everywhere but where she wanted to look.

Taing in a deep breath she finally said, "Um… actually, I-I'm afraid I'll have to miss the party as well. And since, well, you're heading that way… there's a… there's the, uhm, library on the way I'd like to take a look at and…"

Her sentence pettered off but Tenten got the gist of it even as both Sakura and Ino held confused expressions on their faces.

"I'll walk you there," he offered.

"Thank you." Glancing back at her friends, Hinata gave a slight bow. "I'm sorry, I-I'll be sure to attend the next one."

Ino frowned. "But I thought you were going because Naruto would be there. Plus, all that trouble to get permission from your dad, not to mention dragging along –"

"I-I'm sorry again!" Hinata's face had turned beet red before Ino could finish, whipping around to push Tenten in the opposite direction. "But we really should go before the library closes! Bye, I'll see you two tomorrow, tell me all about the party!"

For someone so short and meek, Hinata pushed Tenten straight down the block before he managed to dig his heels in and stop her from throwing him into the street on accident. They both exhaled for different reasons now that they could catch their breath.

"Sorry," Hinata mumbled, gaze to the pavement again. It reminded Tenten of how he was acting mere moments ago, shoulders sagging and downtrodden, and for a nice girl like Hinata the look just didn't suit her.

"It's alright, you're a lot stronger than you look." He chuckled as they began walking, trying to lighten the mood. "Besides, I should probably check out another book or two myself. Calculus is kicking my ass."

His reward was a soft giggle. Out of the girls he knew he definitely got along with Hinata the most.

They took several more steps, making sure to cross the road safely, before Tenten put his hands into his pockets and addressed what he'd been thinking.

"So… Naruto, huh?"

He could feel the warmth from Hinata's blush.

After a moment of no response he reached over to ruffle her hair and they continued on without speaking anymore.

This library was popular, located within walking distance of the school's gates, but since it was a Friday there weren't as many students dawdling between the shelves. Tenten took to finding a book on equations, deciding he'll meet up with Hinata later. To his surprise she trailed behind him.

They both stood in the textbook aisle, Tenten perusing for study material with Hinata off to the side, her frame unmoving and stock-still except for her fidgeting fingers that played with a stray thread in her sleeve.

Tenten mentally rolled his eyes when he finally found a book, tugging it out and heading for an open desk to begin reading, the pitter-patter of Hinata's shoes close behind. He kept his mouth shut, it's only given him trouble today, and went to finding the right chapter, the silence stretched between them only broken now and again by the flip of the pages.

Twenty entire minutes eek out between them. Tenten even forgets Hinata is there, too busy scratching notes onto a sheet of paper and tapping the point of his pencil, until she coughs loud enough to gain his attention.

"What's up?" Tenten asks, feigning nonchalance, not looking up from his writing.

When he receives no immediate answer he turns to the next page. From the corner of his eye he can see Hinata is struggling not to gnaw her lower lip to shreds, hands clenched firmly together. She was never good at explaining herself, and Tenten wasn't going to pick up what she wanted to say until she did it herself.

Another moment toddled by until, faintly, "I'm sorry… for using you as an excuse…"

Tenten finally looked over to her, blinking.

"I-I chickened out on the party because… Naruto would be there, even when I asked for so many favors to go. My family, I asked them all to help me and…" Hinata took a watery breath. "I decided at the last minute I couldn't do it."

"Hey now," Tenten said, pulling out a handkerchief from his bag to hand over. She sniffed, hiding her face in it, but nothing else. "We all get cold feet now and again, it's natural to be scared of the outcome."

Reaching out he ruffled her hair again, getting her to peek out shyly. Tenten grinned as reassuring as he could. "Wanna still go?"

Despite looking lost and frightened, Hinata nodded slowly.

* * *

The best part about being a hypocrite is that no one but yourself knows it. And if someone else knows, that means they're also a hypocrite. Tenten sighed for the upteemth time, hands stuffed deep into his pockets, standing by the food table, Hinata still by his side.

She wrung the handkerchief between her fingers as the two of them watched the dance floor in envy. Naruto was in the middle, playing his own version of some popular dance move and getting the tempo entirely wrong.

Even if she was here it seemed confessing was going to be a long way off. Oh well, at least they had snacks.

"I'll iron this before I return it," she said, thumbing at the cloth in her hands. Tenten shrugged in response. The blue handkerchief wasn't too important, the only thing differentiating it from any other handkerchief was his name in the lower corner, barely noticeable.

Tenten was about to open his mouth again, but no sound came out as Neji suddenly entered the room and his sights landed squarely on them. He immediately began walking over, bypassing the large crowd with surprising speed.

"Ruh-roh, Raggy. Uhm, how about you return it to me on Monday instead." Tenten felt a sting of guilt as he hurriedly left, leaving Hinata to deal with Neji alone.

"I thought you asked me to bring you to this party," was all Neji said before Tenten had fled out of earshot. He kept walking, leaving the house to head into the backyard and get some fresh air.

The pool was filled with various students, most notably the host of the party Chouji Akimichi himself. He had several floating trays beside him all laden with snack foods, smart enough to not pick anything that'd get soggy if it got splashed. Beside him in an inner tube was Shikamaru, apparently dozing, and around them were several others that Tenten didn't immediately recognize.

What he did recognize was Kiba standing across the way. Kiba, who was on the track team. Kiba, who looked up just in time to lock eyes with Tenten.

Spinning on his heel, Tenten didn't bother listening if his name was called or not, blood rushing past his ears as he scrambled to find somewhere else to hide, only to bump right into Neji himself.

Hinata was nowhere to be seen, and for a second Tenten worried that Neji physically ate his cousin and was going to spit her bones out on him. The panic must have shown in his face because Neji's eyes only narrowed further.

He took a step forward and Tenten took a step back, breath stuck in his throat.

"You brought Hinata to this party."

Not the question he expected but his forced his mouth to reply regardless. "Y-yeah?"

Judging by Neji's face that was the wrong answer as he continued to advance, forcing Tenten to backpedal.

"It was you all along."

What did that even mean? Tenten could only shrug, helpless. "Yeah, I guess?"

Neji's jaw visibly tensed, hands balling into fists. By now everyone else was likely watching them, even Shikamaru cracking open a single eye to watch this confrontation unfold.

"Hinata begged me all week to take her to this party, to promise her father that she'll be safe and brought back on time under my protection. Only, she didn't meet up with me like she said she would, and I find her at this party with you instead."

"I'm sorry?" Tenten tried, jolting away when Neji raised his hand that was holding something, but he couldn't figure it out before his heel slipped on the wet concrete and he tumbled backwards into the pool.

Water and limbs thrashed about. Tenten was good at running on land, not in the water, and by the time he got his head above water he felt a pair of hands yanking him back out.

A thump to his back caused water to escape his lungs, skin trembling and hair wetly sticking to his face. God, everyone just saw him nearly drown. What a day it's been.

A familiar voice was heard beside him, a towel coming into view. "You alright?"

Tenten looked up to see Kiba giving him a worried expression. He could only nod, accepting the towel to wrap around his shoulders. Around him both Sakura and Ino were there, Sakura asking him if he was light-headed while Ino demanded everyone else give him some space.

His eyes looked around, but Neji had already left.

* * *

Later that night, in his own home, sitting drly in his bed, Tenten received a text message. It was from Neji and it said five words:

"Meet me tomorrow for tutoring."


	2. Chores

Tenten didn't go.

He figured he'll fake an illness and lie through his teeth come Monday.

Most Saturdays he was already up and taking a morning run. Instead, for the past four weeks he's been at his desk writing down notes and going over math problems, and despite his best efforts all he's gotten were average grades that slowly sank further down.

His stomach growled at him but he decided he wasn't hungry. He needed to finish this assignment, and maybe ask the teacher if there was any extra credit work available.

It isn't until noon sharp that he hears a loud, sharp knock coming from the front door. It's so abrupt he jumps out of his chair, chest hammering and shoulders tense against his ears. Did he order a package? Who the hell knocks like that?

Questions pour into his head, and for a brief moment he considered ignoring the noise, until curiosity won and he padded his way over. He opened the door.

"Hel-"

"After all that happened, you have some damn nerve not showing up."

Tenten floundered, mouth open, eyes wide, at the sight of Neji at his front door, textbook cradled under his arm like it was yesterday. The foremost question was how Neji knew which apartment he lived in, a distant memory reminding him that Lee dragged him over for a group project previously, and the next was wondering how quick he could close the door.

Immediately Neji brought his foot forward, catching the door before Tenten could swing it shut. A growl curled from his throat.

Tenten tried Plan B. "I'm not feeling so good–"

"Too bad. I'm already here so let me in."

"It's kind of contagious…"

"Then wash your hands." Neji's hand came up to pry the door from Tenten's feebling grasp.

"If this is about Hinata then–"

"She's grounded, and yes, it's your fault. Now. Let me in."

Tenten stepped to the side, spirit effectively broken as Neji walked in like he owned the place. He walked into the living room, sitting on the couch and placing the textbook on the table, looking over at Tenten expectantly.

Tenten didn't hide his sigh. "I'll get you some tea." He passed by, trying to scrounge up a few minutes before this ordeal begins.

He hid away in the kitchen to find where the tea was. There wasn't much in the pantry anyways, just some cans of soup and a bag of rice left unopened. Picking up the box of tea he gave it an experimental shake, relieved there was some left, and went to boil the water.

He'll have to apologize to Hinata later, for getting them both into this mess. For now, he really could use some tutoring, even if his tutor was Death itself.

There was only so hot tea could be made and soon Tenten had to return to his living room, tray balanced in one hand and a small bag of chips in the other. He'll have to go grocery shopping later if this was all he had for guests.

"Thank you," said Neji, as if he hadn't forced his way inside. "Now then, what lessons have you been struggling with."

They worked together for the next two hours, Tenten showing which problem were difficult while Neji provided help on solving them, pointing out what was missing, and even wrote up his own practice problems for Tenten to solve. The pressure in the room lessened somewhat.

As the hardest problems dwindled, Tenten took himself back to the last time Neji was over. Lee was often the one who asked him to tutor, and now and again the two would wind up at Tenten's place since it was the closest of the three from school. They'd all sit here, both Tenten and Neji trying to help Lee understand one of the basic problems, and Lee challenging them to a race afterwards.

Without Lee though, there wasn't much binding the two together, and in Tenten's opinion the rift had only worsened. He spared to glance over at Neji.

The guy was class representative and lived on his own like Tenten. He was often busy, though when Lee brought him over he never protested, as well as attended several of the track team's races in the past years. He never cheered for them but he did offer his silent support, as if watching the team run faster was his own personal achievement. Tenten didn't know what clubs he was in nor what he did in his free time, and it even took him all of freshman year to realize he had a family, albeit one that lived further away.

"Is there something on my face?"

Neji's voice yanked Tenten out of his reverie, giving an inattentive, "Huh?" that only caused the former's brow to knit together.

He looked down at the watch on his wrist, still eyeing Tenten as if some specimen under glass. "Have you eaten yet?"

"Uh, I've had… crackers?" Tenten gestured lamely to the small bag between them.

Neji huffed and stood abruptly. "We're getting food. I can't have you spacing out, plus hunger makes it hard to concentrate."

Tenten could only nod and follow obediently in Neji's wake, unsure of this sudden turn of events. It'll be for the best anyways, he didn't have any food in the house, and when Neji opened the door to allow him out first, Tenten couldn't help but feel he'd been forgiven in some way.

He didn't say where they were going but Neji lead the way regardless and Tenten just followed, allowing his mind to wander again. Thinking back he realized Neji has been there a lot more than he thought, often aiding him with club activities and making sure Lee doesn't get into trouble. A twinge of guilt rose up in him as he realised he must not have paid enough attention to realize until now, and he resolved to pay for both of their lunches.

They got to the cafe and Tenten became aware he didn't have enough money for so much as a biscuit.

When Neji looked over he snapped his wallet close. "Hey, how about something at the convenience store instead?" He pointed to the store across the street, where inside the window they could see the cashier yawning into their hand.

Neji frowned, unimpressed, and pulled out his own wallet. "I don't remember you being this useless."

Tenten could only scratch at the back of his head, unable to give a reply as Neji bought them both a drink and sandwiches. It stung to hear but Neji never said anything else but the truth.

They sat down and Tenten finally looked around at the scenery. It was Saito's, a comfy little cafe that both of them liked. It was never too crowded and the menu always had something available, not to mention being within walking distance.

"Wow, I haven't been here in ages. Mm." Tenten munched on one of the sandwiches, enjoying the freshness. They bake their bread from scratch so it always tasted amazing. "Thanks Hyuga, I needed this."

Neji took a moment to reply, sipping his tea with measured stillness. "You can call me Neji."

Tenten hungrily took another bite. "Sure, Neji it is." And that was the end of that.

XXX

They ended up not going straight back to Tenten's apartment. Instead, Tenten found themselves on a walk, side-by-side, strolling through the quiet streets.

The sunlight was hurting his eyes and reminding him that he'd spent too long indoors. Still, it seemed to be what Neji wanted, and so Tenten went with it.

"After this you can help me clean the house."

Tenten halted mid-stride.

"Huh?"

Neji stopped when he realized Tenten was no longer following him, looking over his shoulder, hands tucked into his pockets, the picture of calm. His words were frigid ice. "You said you'd help me with chores if I tutor you."

Oh. Oooh. Tenten's shoulders slumped, the wind gone from his sails. "Alright," he conceded, lower lip sticking out in a pout. "Lead the way Hyu… err, Neji."

And that's how Tenten arrived at the Hyuga household for the first time.


	3. Running From The Problem

They'd never gone to Neji's place before, mostly Neji remarking that they'd make a mess and he wasn't going to clean it, but Tenten had a feeling he just had a privacy problem. Still, Neji held the door for him so he could walk inside, and a traditional Japanese-style home greeted him.

"It's a lot bigger than I expected," said Tenten, trying to find something to fill the space, "is this the original design?"

"Hmm," mumbled Neji, not quite answering anything as he began stalking off and not pausing to see if Tenten would follow. They both knew he would without hesitation. "For starters there's the laundry to take down and cleaning the dove cages."

"You have doves?" He figured Neji was more of a cat person, or a no-pet-at-all kind of person.

Neji in turn made another unintelligible noise. "They're my family's, so I come over to help out every day." Tenten took another look around the house. It definitely was too big for one single person.

He nodded, a mental puzzle piece fitting together. "So that means Hinata lives here." Then, after some more consideration, "it also means you don't live here."

Tenten jogged over to catch up to Neji, getting to his side with a large grin as if he'd figured everything out, looking over and waiting for confirmation. The taller man gave an unreadable expression until it melted into a smirk. "Hmm," is all he said, and that was the end of that.

XXX

Doves were vicious.

That, or Tenten wasn't a bird person, hissing as he slapped on another bandage while Neji helped get the feathers out of his hair.

"They don't like strangers," is all he supplied, trying to find a comb.

Tenten groaned, stinging all over in little cuts and beak bites. "Should've told me that before I barged in. I thought doves were, I don't know, gentle and shy creatures, not blood-thirsty scream goblins."

He earned a soft chuckle from behind him, rewarded further by the feel of a comb smoothing out his tousled short hair.

"Scream goblins…" Neji murmured thoughtfully.

Tenten sighed and slumped, letting Neji comb his hair. He's glad he still had any hair left, one dove having found his scalp the perfect place to latch its little claws into and get tangled. Another bit his nose while several tried to gouge out his eyes. He was glad he had Sunday to recover, but even then, come Monday, someone's going to ask him where all these scratch marks came from, and he'll have to answer that he fought several doves and lost.

The rest of the chores were much easier: taking down the laundry, cleaning the kitchen, washing the dishes, and sweeping the floor of the main room. Once they finished Neji began boiling some tea and they both sat at the kitchen table.

The sun was setting, and even though he didn't do a single pushup or run a mile, Tenten's body felt invigorated as if he had. It reminded him of that nice floaty feeling he got when he was in track team, a languid type of energy that kept his eyes awake even as his heartbeat slowed down. The atmosphere was comfortable as well, despite Neji criticizing how he cleaned and dragging him around all day. Speaking of Neji, he returned and set down a cup of tea in front of him.

Despite the drink, Tenten's throat was dry for a different reason now. Taking the cup he said a swift, "Thank you" before taking a gulp. It was hot but he forced it down. Neji didn't need to know what exactly he was thankful for.

"You look like how you used to," Neji said, also taking a sip at a much more leisure pace.

Tenten paused, looking over at the other, both hands clasped around the cup. "Like how I used to?" Neji met his gaze, as if waiting for him to finally do so.

"Like how you were when you went to track team."

The tea went frigid in his hands, the ceramic creaking in his grip he feared he'd break it. Hot, burning shame flooded his system so much he had to force his eyes to the space between them, to the floor where it's been residing so often that it's become his default point to look.

It's true, this year hasn't been the best for him, but to have it thrown out there so blatantly was the equivalent of being slapped in the face.

It was mortifying to have Neji of all people comment on his problems, so much so Tenten refused to be in his presence any longer. He shot up, feet moving before anything else processed, taking him out of the Hyuga household and down the darkening street at a shocking speed.

With his head held low he could see the pavement moving below his feet, a whirling blur of ground that stopped making sense the faster he ran.

He only stopped when the sun had fully set, leaving him drenched in sweat and in an unfamiliar place. Wiping his brow Tenten looked around for a street sign or something to tether himself to a location.

He was in front of some grocery store. His stomach grumbled so he went in and bought a boxed lunch.

Then he went home and fell asleep.

XXX

He stared at himself in the mirror on Sunday, resolving he was going to ignore what happened yesterday. He'd bury with his own hands if he had to.

Unlike yesterday every bone in his body was comprised of lead now, stiff and heavy, keeping him bedbound. Thankfully there wasn't anyone to bother him about it. Neji didn't call, text, or knock once on his door, and Tenten figured that was the end of their friendship, if it could even be called that.

He laid back into his pillow, wondering where he even made the decision to consciously put distance between himself and the Hyuga. Thinking back he knew they were actually much closer in his starting year, going to the arcade or with Lee to some hiking trail. It was more of Lee dragging Neji around, since he had seen him as a rival, pestering him to races after Neji proved to be surprisingly athletic, not to mention competitive. Tenten had simply followed the mayhem.

When Lee and Gai would get into their antics of running five thousand laps around the field, Tenten and Neji would simply look at each other and sigh. It became routine, and with routine came a comfortable understanding.

Tenten's eyes widened as he realized a crucial part of the puzzle he'd purposefully left out, the shame from before only magnifying into a hard lump in his throat.

Somewhere between those innocent high school days he had developed a huge crush on the Hyuga. It was amazing he'd forgotten about it when before he couldn't think a single day without Neji popping up into his fantasies.

Grieving a low groan, Tenten sat up and tugged on his running shoes.

He adamantly refused to follow that train of thought. Neji had made it very clear he didn't return his affections and Tenten resolved to move on to protect their friendship.

Well… maybe what remained of their relationship, which culminated into knowing each other's names and not much else.

"I'll ask Ino for tutoring," he told himself, giving one passing look into the mirror before heading out.

XXX

He had a panic attack twenty minutes into the run.

Normally he could go ten miles no problem, but for some reason he couldn't get his feet to move as fast as he had wanted. If he couldn't run fast then he couldn't compete, and if he couldn't compete then he was going to let his entire time down. The team he had abandoned.

The thoughts pounded more and more at his head until he was doubled over himself, ragged breathing tearing through his ribcage until his eyes watered. Chest convulsing and vision darkening, Tenten simply curled in on himself and prayed for it to all go away. Away, away away.

After several torturous minutes, eyes opened to find Shikamaru's face floating above him. Tenten was ready to mistake him as a pointy cloud until he began speaking, his voice filtering into full clarity.

"-and you're all cut up," he finished, heaving a sigh and waiting for Tenten to reply.

Dumbly, Tenten continued to stare up at him. He was no longer on the ground. His back was up against a tree and there was a half-empty water bottle in his hands he didn't remember having nor drinking from.

Shikamaru combed a hand through his hair, obviously fed up with him. "You're troublesome, you know that? I can't leave you alone like this though." He squatted down so he was eye-level with Tenten, placing the back of his hand against Tenten's forehead. "No fever. You feeling better now?"

Finally, Tenten's shoulders tensed. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for helping me."

Using the tree he tried to stand, refusing to burden his underclassmen once again. Shikamaru stayed where he was, eyes observing every awkward, jerking movement Tenten made.

"Are you sure?" He asked again, as if speaking to a wounded animal.

Tenten steadied himself and tried to give a reassuring smile. He just felt tired. "I'm alright. See ya tomorrow."

He jogged off only because he knew Shikamaru wouldn't bother trying to catch up, water bottle still in hand. He'll get Shikamaru a drink the next time they met, to repay the kindness.

Tenten doesn't remember much else of that day. He didn't finish his quota of ten miles, he simply went back home and fell back asleep.


	4. Cleaning up A Mess

The week passes by, dragging Tenten with it by the scruff of his neck. Realistically, he knew he was there, experience everything, but now that he sits at his desk he cannot remember a single moment of the past days. His head has fogged over, thoughts impenetrable even to himself, and he's spent every evening in his bed doing nothing.

It isn't until familiar knocks at the door yank him back, pulling him out from his covers to pad over in mussed up clothes, opening the door and seeing Neji.

Tenten hears his own voice from far away. "Hey."

Neji steps into Tenten's personal space as if he was invited, eyes going from the top of his head to his bare feet with cold apathy.

His nose wrinkled, disgusted by what he saw, and pushed past Tenten to head into his room.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Tenten blinked slowly, still standing at the open doorway. Neji kept walking, heading to his small kitchen and opening the fridge, not hiding his judgement at the lack of food in there, and what remained being expired. He took in all of the dirty clothing piled up on the couch, covering the table that had empty cans of soda and bowls of cup noodles, an icky film on the surface. There was even a porn mag left out, which Neji took and rolled his eyes at.

"The entire internet, and you still spend money on this junk." He rolled it into a baton, going back over to Tenten, shutting the front door, and bonking him on the shoulder.

Tenten blinked again, eyes focusing on Neji slowly before looking down at the fact he was holding his fap material. He squinted. "You don't judge a bro's stash, dude, not cool." Grabbing it, Tenten padded over to return it to its place in his closet, Neji dogging his heels as his eyes take in the state of the other's apartment.

"Did you come over just to bother me? I sort of thought you'd, I don't know, have better hobbies than this." Tenten put his hands on his hips, spinning around to pierce Neji with a expecting look. He had every right to be annoyed right now, having a classmate barge in like a health inspector. "Give me a good reason I shouldn't kick you out right now."

"Because I came here to tutor you, but it seems I'll have to be a maid now as well."

"No thanks," Tenten said, starting to push Neji towards the front door. "I don't need to indebt myself to you of all people."

"You don't," Neji acquiesced, "but you really need to clean your place."

He dug his heels into the floor, making it difficult to get him down the hallway. Tenten strained to get rid of his unwelcomed guest that suddenly became an unmovable, stubborn wall, already at a loss of breath.

"I don't need your help. Also, you were the one to barge in, so you don't get to complain how my place looks."

"As your tutor, since I'll be coming over more often, I do think I have a say in your quality of life."

"Consider yourself fired." Tenten used his legs strength to push Neji to the door, trying to reach past him to open the handle and throw him out. The other, for his part, simply braced himself against the doorframe, reached out, and locked the handle.

Tenten found himself in the uncomfortable position of now caging Neji between his arms, his face painfully near when Neji turned around in place so they faced each other. He leaned back against the door, as if fully aware of their situation.

He smirked, satisfied by Tenten's silence, before frowning and crossing his arms over his chest. "I actually came here to check on you. All week you've been spaced out, and seeing you here confirms my suspicions. Unlike some people, I actually care when my friends are in need of help."

There was an underlying bitterness to his words, yet all Tenten's frazzled mind could latch onto was the last part.

He blinked, stupefied. "Did you just friendzone me?"

Now it was Neji's turn to mirror the same expression.

"It was not my intention."

"Then what _is_ your intention?"

Being so close, Tenten could _feel_ Neji exhaling through his nose. They still haven't moved away from each other, and Tenten found he had unconsciously straightened so their height difference wasn't as stark.

"Look," Tenten said, shoulders slumping. "I don't know if this is some obligation to you, for a friend you don't talk to anymore, or the fact Lee's in the hospital and he was the glue holding us together, but I don't want you to force yourself. I asked you out, you said no, and I got over it. The reason I'm like this now isn't because of you, so you don't have to be here if you don't want to."

He took a step back, returning the space between them where it belonged. "Something's dead inside me," he started, unsure where he was going, but Neji was looking at him so he continued. "It died a while ago, yet I'm still alive. Things don't taste good anymore, I don't have energy to even stand, and my head's numbed like I'm being drowned."

"Does it hurt?" Neji asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Tenten shrugged. "It doesn't feel like anything."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" His voice sounded pleading, and for a moment Tenten realized how much concern tinged the other's words. Did he always sound like this and Tenten just never realized?

Still, he could only shrug again. "I don't know. Like I said, it didn't start because you rejected me."

"I didn't reject you."

Now it was Tenten's turn to frown, eyes narrowing slightly. "I'm pretty sure you said something about not being interested in dating. Anyways, I'm over it now, so it doesn't bother me."

"But I didn't reject you."

Tenten felt his mouth curl into a sneer, really tempted to throw Neji out now, maybe toss him off the building. "I'm still over you then, so either make yourself useful and get some trash bags, or get the hell out of my life."

Neji gave a similar look, nodding as if they shared some cruel little joke between themselves. Tenten showed him where the trash bags were and the other cleaning supplies. He found a clipboard to begin taking notes with, mostly making a list of things he needs to restock. Guh, he was missing a lot of stuff.

"We'll go shopping after this," Neji offered, leaning over Tenten's shoulder to see.

The windows were opened and fresh air finally filtered through the rooms for the first time in months, only further reminding Tenten of how far he's fallen.

Yet – Neji was still here.

The sudden thought that Neji, perhaps one of his closest friends, was going through all this trouble for him, flew into Tenten's heart like a missile. He'd pushed him away, and yet Neji kept coming back– because he cared.

Tenten stared at the taller man, who was reading down the list of items, with a mix of bewilderment and something else. His throat tightened, air refusing to make its way to his lungs. The pen in his grip creaked at the sudden pressure around it, his grip turning knuckle-white.

"It shouldn't be too hard, we can get a cart and… are you alright?" Neji finally looked over, brow knitting together as he saw Tenten. The tears slipped down his cheeks without reserve, falling to the floor recklessly. It was such an effort to breath that he had begun shaking violently, still staring like a frightened animal until the clatter of the clipboard hitting the ground. Without it he took off, sprinting to his bathroom where he slammed the door shut and locked it, knees giving out he slid to the floor and _screamed_.

XXX

"Thanks for the meal."

Tenten shoveled the freshly made food into his mouth, tasting absolutely nothing but the weight in his tongue that slid down his throat. He didn't feel hungry, but he hadn't been hungry all week and he needed to eat.

Sitting across from him at his living room table was Neji, also putting a spoonful of rice into his mouth and chewing. It's been several hours later but Tenten couldn't say he felt he personally experienced any of it, despite being there through every agonizing second. The proof was there though, from his rough, scratchy throat, to his severely puffy and red-rimmed eyes.

"How is it?" Neji asked.

"It's good. I'm surprised you can cook." Tenten said, taking another bite.

"I like cooking," Neji supplied, voice effortless and smooth. "I think having at least a few basic recipes is handy to have, especially once I began living alone."

Tenten considered it, nodding. "Huh, probably. I usually just get take-out, it's easier, but maybe I should learn some." He smiled, feeling utterly drained. "Do you know how to make anything with fish?"

"Fish? No, but there's got to be a recipe online I can look up. Anything in particular?"

Resting his elbow on the table so he can place his cheek in his palm, Tenten grunted. "Something grilled, maybe salmon? Now I want fish instead."

Neji chuckled. "Sorry, it's too late to go out again. You'll have to make do with me for now." He stopped smiling then, going silent so Tenten was aware what underlying meaning, as if laying it on the table so they were both aware of it, yet not one of them made a move to notice it.

"True, thanks again for doing all the shopping on your own. I'll remember to pay you back later." Tenten didn't meet Neji's gaze, sliding his brown eyes instead over to the pile of plastic bags on the floor, mostly of cleaning supplies. The fridge was now fully stocked, and he even got him a new bottle of shampoo. Taking a glance to the window he gave a thoughtful click of the tongue. "Too late to go back home now, you'll have to stay over. I think I got a guest futon in the closet."

"Sounds like a plan." And that was the end of that.

Neji ended up tutoring him after dinner, helping Tenten grasp the equations and concepts that troubled him, converting the teacher's endless ramblings into coherent sentences that clicked together. There really was something about Neji that kept reassuring him, a constant presence in Tenten's life even as it ebbed and flow like a storm.

So it's no wonder he found himself straddling the other's waist, crushing their lips together as if his life depended on it. It was amateurish, obvious from the fact he's never done this kind of thing before, yet Neji allowed him to explore recklessly and remained receptive to each sloppy kiss.

He breathed only because he had to, otherwise his mouth was occupied, taking as much as he could without restraint. His heart felt like a thunderstorm, beating so hard he could feel the pulse in his ears and thrumming through his fingertips as they slid through Neji's long, dark hair.

Tenten needed to be closer, so close, and it wasn't until Neji had to physically push Tenten off so he could breath, did he finally stop his frenzy. Sitting back on his legs, Tenten looked down at Neji, panting slightly on the couch, eyes unfocused but making an effort to look back.

"I thought you rejected me?" he questioned.

Neji gulped a few more lungfuls of air. "I never said I rejected you."

"Then why now?"

His mouth moved but no words came out, unable to form an answer that'd be believable to either of them. So Tenten allowed him a few more seconds before leaning down and going back to kissing him.


	5. Haircuts

**Warning: depiction of severe depression. please don't read if these topics discomfort you.**

* * *

"I've been thinking about a haircut." Tenten pushed his bangs out of his eyes, noting the way they settled right back into his field of vision.

Sitting across from him, Ino took a sip of her frappe. "Aww, you looked pretty cute with long hair. But," she sang with a wink, "I'd be happy to use you for experimentation."

"Are you licensed yet to cut hair?" Tenten asked.

"No, but they say practice makes perfect!"

He squinted, but his attentions were stolen again by his bangs in the corner of his vision, forcing him to sweep them away again.

Tenten remembered he had much longer hair, reaching down to below his shoulder blades. At the beginning of high school he had cut it as short as possible.

"I don't trust you not to make me look like a K-pop star." He remembers Sasuke's face when Ino revealed his new look.

Ino banged her fists on the table, cheeks red. "That was out of curiosity! Besides, you don't have the same kind of look so it wouldn't work on you anyways."

Tenten plastered the smile on, calm and serene and unassuming. "And what kind of look would that be, Ino?"

"You're way cheerier! You smile and it brightens up the whole room, just like the sun! The kind of look that lets people in and welcomes them with open arms!" Ino babbled, mouth continuing to spew insincere words while they both wondered when she'd stop. "I, well, at least that's the Tenten I know true and dear."

She finished and looked away. Tenten continued to smile like a viper in the grass.

"Anyways," Ino said, suddenly uncomfortable, packing away her belongings and getting up to leave, "the offer's still on the table. I know you don't like things in your face, so better choose now rather than later."

Tenten waved her off as she all but fled. Then he sunk against the back of his chair and his entire being slumped, smile falling away.

He hadn't given an honest smile in months. The Tenten that Ino was recounting wasn't alive anymore and they were both aware. Everyone was aware.

He needed a haircut.

XXX

"That makes twelve to two. This is getting pathetic."

Sasuke stopped the soccer ball beneath his foot, kicking it up into his hands as he approached his upperclassman.

Tenten frowned and flicked some of his sweaty hair out of his eyes. "Good game, I can see why they made you offense so early on." He had barely done anything but his chest still burned.

"Is there a deeper meaning to why you asked for a match? Or do you just like wasting people's time?"

He shrugged, unable to come up with an answer. Sasuke was a year his junior, yet he was already known by the entire student body for his athletic abilities and academics. Until now, Tenten had been too overcome with nervousness to even approach him. Compared to Sasuke, Tenten was just a complete nobody. He was average.

"If you're the best long-distance runner," Sasuke continued, brow furrowing more and more, "then how come you couldn't outrun me even once?"

Tenten smirked and pulled himself to his full height, having to look down slightly to meet Sasuke's dark gaze that was relentlessly scanning him for an explanation.

He reached out a hand to ruffle his underclassman's hair. To his amusement, Sasuke bared his teeth, prepared to bite his hand clean off.

"Don't patronize me," he growled, shoulders tense. After a moment he pushed Tenten's hand off him and took another step forward, invading Tenten's personal space. "Hey, answer me."

"I'm sorry," Tenten began, trying not to laugh and embarrass himself further, "I just wanted to confirm something to myself. I'll treat you later for putting up with me."

Sasuke's eyes widened but immediately narrowed even further, the ball struggling under his grip. It was obviously not what he wanted to hear, but right as he was about to open his mouth and probably tear Tenten a new one, Kiba appeared and grabbed Tenten by the wrist, dragging him away.

His grip wasn't strong enough that Tenten couldn't break free, but he followed him nonetheless to a more private area of school grounds.

Once they stopped, Tenten found a side of a building to lean against, waiting to see what Kiba was going to say. They haven't spoken for a while, and even at Chouji's party Tenten hadn't deigned him a response when he was pulled out of the water. When was that again? About two weeks ago?

"Hey." Kiba swallowed, hands shoved deep into his hoodie's front pocket. Tenten looked around for Akamaru but didn't find Kiba's dog. Akamaru wasn't allowed on school property but they had a habit of sneaking him onto the track course during practice.

As Kiba began talking Tenten found he couldn't understand a single thing he was saying. His voice warped in on itself, dropping too low to hear before becoming a screaming train and snapping off into the sound of glass being stepped on. Tenten willed his ears to work, bangs hanging over his eyes they had grown so long, and his own irritation mounting in on itself at this singular, insignificant fact.

His hair was too goddamn long he just wanted to cut it all off.

"Are you even listening to a thing I'm saying?" Kiba had evidently let his temper flare, reaching out to hold Tenten by the front of his shirt, long nails biting into his skin.

Tenten for his part couldn't control the tightening of his lips, staring down at Kiba and daring him to repeat himself

His lips moved, right as Kiba swung with a right hook. "Are you fucking done?"

XXX

Sakura looked at him with unveiled disdain, her professionality winning out over her obvious resentment to him.

Tenten stared back coolly as best he could with one eye swollen shut. At least his nose had stopped bleeding.

"You owe me big time," she huffed.

"I know. Hey," he said, "did you like me when I had long hair?"

Sakura gawked then righted herself. "What kinda question… I think yeah? You would let me braid it and such, but it's short now and it's not my concern."

She turned around to get some more painkillers.

Tenten leaned back against the chair he was in. It was some time later even if Tenten didn't exactly recall how he got here in the first place. One moment he was talking to Ino, then Sasuke, then Kiba, and now Sakura. He remembers it all happening but he doesn't remember being there in person.

It's at that point Hinata walks in.

"Sakura, I got your message and came to che- oh."

Tenten considered getting up and leaving. And he would have, had Sakura not come back and put an iron grip on his shoulder. That was going to bruise.

"I didn't expect you to come see what's been holding me up!" Sakura's voice came out sickenly upbeat. A prominent vein bulged in her forehead. "Sorry, this idiot went and got himself into a fight. I can't divulge who but I'm sure you'll figure it out anyways. Just give me a minute and I'll send him on his way."

Hinata's eyes widened, then widened even further as she went through all the candidates and obviously putting a few clues together. The bite mark on Tenten's forearm wasn't subtle.

He found a cup of water pushed into his hands. "Drink," came the order as Sakura went back behind the curtain. He took a sip, swishing it around to get the metallic taste of blood out of his mouth, then swallowed.

Beside him, Hinata looked appropriately uncomfortable.

She fidgeted and he continued to be quiet. Ino's earlier comment of how he was so open and accepting came to mind.

The only sound was Sakura from afar, seeming to be on her phone. She was probably telling Ino what happened. So much for confidentiality, but then again Tenten had asked her not to let the adults know about this.

Funny how, when he had wanted to hear Kiba he couldn't, but he hear Sakura's annoying words rung clear as crystal to his ears.

Hinata put a hand on his shoulder. It was so cold he jumped, nerves still straining to defend himself. "Di… did you not hear what I said?" she asked, genuinely curious.

Tenten blinked.

"I didn't." He really didn't.

Hinata gave a soft frown, fishing into her bag and pulling out his handkerchief from two weeks ago. "Sorry I couldn't get it back to you. I thought… well, it doesn't matter anymore." She slipped it into his hands and took a step back from him.

She didn't give him a pitying look; Hinata never pitied anyone, she was too empathetic for that, but she couldn't erase the downward tugging of her lips as she waited for Sakura to finish.

Tenten gave an exhale, looking down at the handkerchief that had his name on it. "Can I borrow your cell? I wanna call Neji."

"I thought you had his number?"

"I erased it."

When and why were the words she was going to say, but Hinata held them back and pulled out her phone, handing it over but making sure their fingers don't touch. Tenten wondered if everyone was going to hate him today.

"Hinata?" came Neji's voice, a tad groggy. He must have been napping.

"No, it's Tenten. Can you come visit me by the park?" he ended the call before there was a response, giving it back to Hinata and standing up.

Sakura had just pulled the curtain back as Tenten sprinted out of the room. Neither she nor Hinata tried to catch up to him.

XXX

He was the best as long-distance track, but even then he wasn't considered the fastest. That distinction belonged to Rock Lee, who always gave it more than a hundred percent with a wide grin and burning passion.

Tenten wasn't sure why he was thinking of him, sitting by himself on a swing set at eight in the evening. The sun had left long ago.

It's sometime later that Neji finds him, looking a little out of breath and running over.

"You actually came."

"You didn't specify which park so I had to look around." Neji sat down at the swing next to him, catching his breath. Once he did he added, "Hinata told me what happened."

"Did she now?"

"Why did you call me out here? It's late as it is."

For once, Tenten actually had an answer. "Because I wanted to be alone."

"Alone…" Neji stared between them. "I see."

"I wanted to be alone with you," he said, "does that make sense?"

"It doesn't, but that doesn't matter to me. You asked me to come, so I did."

"Why, though?"

"Because you asked me out."

"But you rejected me."

"I never said I rejected you."

"You're pissing me off." Tenten leaned back on the swing, further and further until the only thing keeping him from falling was his hold on the chains. The stars above twinkled faintly at him from above. He thought about letting go. "I need a haircut."

Neji looked him over as best he could in the dim light. "Do you?"

"What about you? What do you prefer?" For some reason Tenten needed to know Neji's opinion.

He shrugged. "You were fine with long hair, you'll be fine with short. You're still the same to me."

"Are you talking about my hair, or are you talking about me?"

"Well, you're the one who's been talking about his hair, so which one do you choose?"

Slowly, Tenten pulled himself back up so he could focus on Neji. It was a cold night and Tenten just realized how numb his fingers were, feel the stinging of the numerous bruising from his fight earlier, and the soreness in his legs from running, how his breath fogged out in front of him, and how it was the same for Neji.

He was sensible enough to put on a jacket and longer pants, but even then the ends of his ears were red and his lips were dry and chapped.

Tenten felt the edges of a smile perk up, even as he fought to keep his cool. "I think I now know why I had such a crush on you."

Neji blinked, leaning closer. "Do you still have a crush on me?"

"_Hell no_."

He spat it out in an instant, almost regretting it but realizing it was true. He didn't have a crush on Neji anymore, hadn't in a while.

Neji looked nonplussed, tilting his head slightly. He inched closer, causing Tenten to try and lean away. "Is that so?"

Tenten kept his lips sealed, wondering if he could take off again. He was sore all over but Neji had spend most of the afternoon trying to find him. If it came down to it, he had more stamina so a running start would be bes-

Neji pulled him close to kiss him. Their lips made contact for a brief second before Tenten pushed him away, giving him a nasty glare despite a smile straining harder on his face.

"When someone says they don't have a crush on you anymore, you're not suppose to kiss them," he admonished, but there was no heat behind his words.

"And when someone is being begged by their underclassman to get some help, you're not supposed to get into a fistfight with them," Neji shot back similarly. He had always been more direct, a lot more upfront compared to how Tenten kept skirting around and running away from the issue.

He wasn't going to let Tenten run away now, not when Tenten's already called him over.

"You've been off all day," he said as way of conversation. "Being mean to Ino when she wanted to hang out with you, imposing on Sasuke just so you have an excuse to feel bad about yourself. You've pissed off everyone today, including me, who you haven't bothered to see until you call me out here in the cold and the dark."

Tenten bit his inner cheek, breath turning heavy as all his actions were placed before him. "Do you want an explanation?" Everyone else has been demanding it of him.

"I don't need one," Neji said, standing up and stepping in front of Tenten, staring down at him coolly the same way he had when Tenten had asked for tutoring.

Give a sharp push, he pushed Tenten backwards off of the swing.

Tenten's heart jumped into his chest at the sudden weightlessness, only to spike higher when gravity tore him down in the same breath. His eyes closed, ready for the impact.

The sound of the chains connected to the swing clinked together. Tenten heard his own accelerated breathing, his teeth chattering together as they tried to suck in some air.

He looked up at Neji, who was biting back a grimace.

Before he fell he had instinctively reached out, and Neji had offered his arms to hold onto. Out of instinct he dug his nails in, a small trickle of blood blooming from the pale flesh.

"There," Neji said, "now the pain on the outside is matching the inside."

Tenten looked up at him, blinking. He couldn't release his hold or else he'd fall, but if he wanted to pull himself back up he'd have to press his nails even further into Neji's skin.

"Are you a fucking masochist?" he asked, already deciding which option he was going to choose. He pulled his arms back, tossing them up above his head and letting the wind get knocked out of him as his back hit the ground.

It hurt, but Tenten was already beat up by a lot of things in such a short amount of time. His unruly bangs practically covered his entire vision, only allowing a few snippets to be seen from between.

"I need a haircut."

"I don't trust you around a blade right now." Neji grunted, walking around and bending down next to where Tenten laid awkwardly, his back on the ground but his legs still tangled with the swing.

"Then what do you propose I do, Neji?"

By now they were both visibly shaking from the cold, both beaten up in different ways, both physically and mentally. Tenten wasn't sure how well he felt, dragging Neji down to his level. A lot of it was confusing even as it laid perfectly clear in front of him.

"Sit up," Neji commanded. With some slow movements, Tenten managed to to do, sitting cross-legged and waiting for the next step. "Close your eyes."

His mouth opened to protest, but with how Neji was looking at him right now, so sincerely focused, all words died in his throat and he obliged.

Tenten felt Neji's long fingers run across his scalp, ignoring the knots and the tangles until he had a decent amount of it in his grasp. He felt a tugging, and then, all at once, Neji let him go.

"Alright, open them up."

Tenten did as Neji told him. He first saw that Neji's had was now undone, falling around his shoulders without the hairtie he has keeping it out of his way. Reaching behind him, he found his hair had been tied back into a small ponytail.

Tenten didn't know what to say. He wanted to cry, scream, and run away all at the same time.

Instead, he gave Neji a smile.


End file.
